Somatic

Blood running through flesh,

Flesh growing around blood,

Cutting into the stream…

Obstructing it…

Silencing it…

Until it stops,

Until the silence rings true…

Blood in flesh and flesh on blood

And then no blood,

And then no flesh,

And then nothing

Only silence for company.

That’s where I see you mother

Where I cannot see you

My gaze falls short of your non-gaze

There’s no visor to hide your gaze

There are no eyes to hide

Not even unseeing eyes

There’s no vision to hide

As I hide mine beneath deep dark glasses

Hoping to attain your non-gaze one day,

Your non-eyes, your non-vision.

Each day your non-gaze sinks further

Into my blood, bites into my flesh

Until they start dreaming about you

And dream you into visibility…

In the imploding shadows where blood writes through flesh

And the flesh listens to that writing in speech

In that dialogue I see you mother,

In me, what I cannot see

Until the silence rings true…

Until there’s no blood

Until there’s no flesh

Only your non-gaze for company in silence.

[In memory of my mother Soma Chattopadhyay who had both the word ‘soma’ (something to do with the body) and ‘ma (mother) written into her name. Her body had to undergo a lot of suffering over the years till the very end. And being maternal was in her name. ]